Goofy. Dorky. Lacking. Vacuous.
That’s the ohcheers.com manifesto.
The ohcheers.com blog is soon to enter its 158th year of operation. It has not done too badly, but we want more. Our page views continue to grow. 5000 at last count. Pity the pigeons.
It’s not been entirely clear, however, what ohcheers.com is about, what its writers are trying to say (or what they want), and what it all means, other than espousing and emphasising the meaninglessness of it all. Such is the wilful impact of telling you what not to think, or to paraphrase Orwell: you need to use doublethink to understand doublethink.
Here, therefore, are 5 THINGS which the Main Protagonist seeks to achieve throughout 2013. He lists sub-THINGS hereunder. This is Cosmic Ordering, so the Cosmos had better provide, or else the Cosmos gets it*.
1. Writing
(i) pretentious and self-conscious poetical lyrics (haikus have been popular – I’m available for $$$)
(ii) development of PR and journalistic technique (I’m available for $$$ or else persuade me to contribute charitably)
(iii) inane whimsy on ohcheers.com, which serves as our media outlet for our profound ideas, such as:
- interviewing interesting people, like what we did what with Lizzie Roper, the face of Aunt Bessie Roast Potatoes. Jim Campbell never got back to us on whether he’d like an interview. We’re not pushy, so won’t ask again, but he’s free to get in touch when he’s ready for the exposure.
- radical image juxtapositions and ‘free art’
- stuff published in Viz for $$$
- stuff published in Viz
- stuff published
2. Sonic Astronic / Blackhacker
(i) EP & album – hopefully released and distributed by a certain proposed agency
(ii) gigs & interviews to support released material, build the Blackhacker brand and make a name for ourselves as a band
(iii) some really cool live sessions, like BBC 6 Music, and certain suggested cunningly cultural venues [cannot disclose at time of writing]
3. Bass Guitar
(i) daily practice: at least 30 minutes, aiming for 2 hours
(ii) weekly recording session: use a day a week to record improvisation from a practice session
(iii) gigs & interviews to build name as bassist, in accordance with point #2 above
4. Audio Software
(i) develop the hundreds of Apple Logic projects started which are incomplete
(ii) apply vocal lines to the projects, in accordance with point #1 above
(iii) apply bass lines to the projects, in accordance with point #3 above
(iv) complete the better tracks and release them somewhere, e.g. Soundcloud for starters, but ideally with the help of a third party music business participant
5. Stands Ups
(i) noting that a couple of experimental efforts have occurred…
(ii) dinner parties are the best source of material
(iii) have more dinner parties
(iv) use dinner parties to source material
(v) use material at open mic nights to test out material and get experience
(vi) have DNA sample taken against will, subsequent to arrest by police for pushing act too far
(vii) struggle to remain friends with dinner party guests
VI. Income
(i) [NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT APPLIES]
(ii) DJ on BBC 6 Music
(iii) write for $$$
Good luck to ohcheers.com and its participants in 2013!
*serious point: what happens if you put it to the Cosmos that you want the Cosmos to go away? If consciousness is required to facilitate wave function collapse and thus enact the construction of reality, then all we need to do is to block off the senses of all conscious creatures to annihilate the universe.
