Author Archive

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[Photo]-Shop what you’re doing

June 30, 2011

The ohcheers.com image man beak is currently away on a research mission on how to install software on a PC, but he’s found time to send us a quick update on his efforts, trials and tribulations:

Photobucket

Perhaps beak should get a Mac?

If a picture paints a thousands words, then a crafty Photoshop composition surely is worth a million. This years OC word count goal is going to be difficult to hit without the inclusion of my obligatory chopped images.

The weight of my second favourite bit of software has finally proven too much and broken laptop GIR-HUB72606V0. Coincidentally the same name as my old work computer. What are the chances?

Just like Laurel & Hardy, Bang & Olufsen, Marks & Spencer and Rutter & Gadd, it’s been a turbulent creative relationship for me and Photoshop. Unlike Lennon & McCartney, mind, we still hope to get back together and make beautiful love, and beautifuller childrens.

We hit the highs with a fully playable 20 card pack of C___ Trumps, and we successfully transplanted Ed’s head onto a procreating tortoise (only just missing out on a Turner nomination).

There were lows; the utter frustration of waiting and clicking, waiting and clicking, waiting and clicking whilst a large project file updated, rendered, applied for political immunity and saved. Eventually.

So readers (and the Turner Prize) will have to wait for the Cittie of Yorkie pub, Deal With It Hayward Gallery and Toaster Mice on the 205. And I’m going to have to learn Illustrator.

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Chinese Snickers

March 9, 2011

You ain't seen me

beak would only be up at 5AM in East London with people he doesn’t know if a) he had one too many Monster Munch, or b) he is meeting fellow cyclists to ride the marathon course.

Riding the marathon course after organisers have closed the roads, and before the runners have set off is one of the greatest things, let alone rides, I’ve done. It is a unique, guerrilla opportunity to cane around the best of the capitals streets. Traffic-free.

Or it used to be a unique opportunity.

In 2008 ten people dragged their asses out of bed to see if it would be as much fun as they thought it would be. It was. Last year 150 people amassed at Blackheath for the same ride, the morning passed incident free and a few of the front runners made it across the finish line. Both rides were amazing experiences, equally intensified by the number of participants.

This year London Marathon organisers have communicated with an Internet forum where discussion is underway about the same ride. They’ve politely asked for the thread to be pulled and for riders not to attempt cycling the route, rightly citing insurance and the health and safety of staff that will still be on the roads setting up the course.

In hindsight there was no need to use a public, yet niche, Internet forum to rally the troops. Given the scale of last years event, it was only natural that it was going to happen again even without the forum. But people are keen, really keen to do this ride and they want to promote it.

The trouble with the Internet (along with the stupendous amounts of porn it offers) is that it is easy to forget sometimes that the wider world is watching, the authorities probably had an eye on the forum immediately after the 2010 ride. They had to do something about their potential problem, actively, rather than reactively.

The forum in question is now at a junction, it could chose to encourage the ride (keep it real), or work with the marathon organisers with a view to making the ride an official part of the day (sell out).

It remains to be seen how many people will now turn up on Sunday 17th April 2011. Head over to Blackheath and have a look. Get there early.

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Wicked

January 17, 2011

It might be January, but it needn’t be bleak, or so says beak

January 17th is officially the most depressing day of the year. Bummer.

In the last 16 days I have already partaken in all of the following distractions to help me through this well trodden feeling-sorry-for-myself time of year. January is grey and dark and hateful and I’m not drinking (yeah right – ed).

So instead I’ve been engaging in the following top 7 activities:

07 Watching all six series of The Sopranos
Never seen it. Well written television at its finest. A good bit of beginners balcony psychology to settle the mind as I realise that all of my short comings are actually my Mum’s fault.

06 Bought a new 32″ TV
To watch The Sopranos on.

05 Indoor Climbing
One of the most knackering things I’ve ever done. The advice given by my experienced accomplice was to wear washing up gloves for extra grip. The liar. Nobody else was wearing Marigolds. Everybody else was laughing at me.

04 Building a 1:1 scale model of Tower Hamlets
A fascinating project, teaching me about local geography and town planning. I’m going to need a bigger shed.

03 Learning about Native American history
I’m not claiming to be the first person to have not paid attention at school and now smuggly relish in the joys of self-learning, but this stuff is gold. Those Indians were more interested in buying guns from the European settlers than learning how to maintain and manufacture them themselves. Or harness the power of gunpowder. Bit like me at school really.

02 Growing garlic
Bang on. 40 cloves planted, looking forward to August baby! It’s my birthday in August, not sure when the garlic’s going to grow.

01 Wicker
Without doubt the best use of my time so far in 2011; a worthy deviation from the demon booze and hopefully one to continue as the year progresses. So far I’ve built a coffee table, a contact lens holder, a lamp, a shoe tree, a door mat and a conservatory. Wicker is an abundant naturally occurring resource and one with finite creative possibilities.

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More trouble in the post for ITV

June 21, 2010

In case you didn’t know, beak knows his broadcasting. Why? That’s classified. But hear these writings…

9 days after ITV spectacularly blundered their HD coverage of England’s opening World Cup game against USA, a thorough investigation has unearthed the Gremlin in the system that caused them to cut to an unscheduled advertisement at the exact moment captain Steven Gerrard scored England’s only goal of the tournament.

Transmitter noise has been identified as the source of the embarrassment. Broadcast engineers worked around the clock to fix the fault in time for the Algeria game (thanks for ensuring that one went uninterrupted).

ITV shouldn’t hold its breath: a recent trip up to Crystal Palace suggests it ain’t in the clear yet, BABY!

ITV HD Sabotage - Sponsored by Hyundai*

*Small vuvuzela-loving child will get his Hyun-DUES for his efforts.

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Don’t be sad

June 3, 2010

beak on the case…

Two videos cracking OC up this morning:

Brilliant

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